First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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