if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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