The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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