I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
