It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
