I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
