We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
