Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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