i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
