he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
