Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
