; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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