p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
