some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
