what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
