Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
