yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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