I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
