help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
