I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
