Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
