That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
