you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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