you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
