Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
