I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love you. Go after that dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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