just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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