Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
