I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
