people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
whose parrot is this?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
