She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
