Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
