Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
