3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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