he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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