Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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