Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
