if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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