they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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