Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
