I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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