mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
