Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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