why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
