It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
