i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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