Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
