ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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