Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
