I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
