careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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